When Kirsten Weir, 32, was born in July 1992, her now husband David Low, 54, was graduating from university. Both secondary school teachers, the couple have two sons aged 21 months and four months, and say their 21-year age gap marriage works perfectly for them.
Since we started dating in August 2020, after meeting at the secondary school in Dunfermline, Scotland, where I teach philosophy and David teaches geography, any insecurities about our 21-year gap have mostly come from us.
David initially wondered why I’d ‘want to date a dinosaur’ and has always said he never wants to come across as a creepy old guy. His two older sons from his first marriage are only 10 years younger than me, and now we have our own two boys, he worries that people who see him wheeling them around in their double pushchair assume he’s their grandpa not their dad.
Meanwhile, I’m conscious that some will think that, being a younger woman, I’m in it either for financial gain (not on a teaching salary!) or because I wanted a father figure in my life. I already have a wonderful dad of my own, thank you very much.
David initially wondered why I’d ‘want to date a dinosaur’ and has always said he never wants to come across as a creepy old guy.
Building a friendship
David and I had been teachers in the same school for seven years, but with 2,000 pupils, our paths never really crossed until I was given a classroom close to his in summer 2019.
Our first exchange was one evening when I was getting ready for a Christmas work night out in my classroom with a female colleague. David stuck his head round the door, clocked our sparkly dresses and said, “Wow, I didn’t realise we were all going out looking as nice as that!”
I remember thinking that although he seemed quite shy, he was charismatic and had a great sense of humour. I knew he was separated from his first wife and that he’d been on his own for a while.
After that, we saw each other more often during the school day. David was funny and I found myself wanting to make him laugh, whilst being drawn to his calmness. It’s not a feeling I’d ever experienced with previous boyfriends, who’d always been a similar age to me. Outwardly, he looks younger than he is and, somewhat annoyingly, people think I’m older than I am, so I don’t think the age gap’s glaringly obvious.
I confided in a teacher who’s a mutual friend to act as a bit of a go-between – she messaged him to plant the seed that I was interested in him. It was a bit like in the playground, “My friend fancies you…”
She reported back that he’d said, “Why would Kirsten want to go out with a relic?” referring to his age.
An awkward first kiss
Then came the Covid lockdown, during which my sister’s marriage broke up after just a year. On paper, she and her husband were the perfect match, which got me thinking that although a relationship between David and me shouldn’t work because of the age difference, we had nothing to lose.
When lockdown restrictions were relaxed in summer 2020, I messaged David to ask if he’d like to meet up for walks or to have a coffee, and it was during our get-togethers that the friendship began to develop into something more.
I thought that although a relationship between David and me shouldn’t work, we had nothing to lose…
The first time I thought he was going to kiss me was on a kayak trip to an island in the middle of the Firth of Forth, but we’d underestimated the current so in the end our priority was navigating our way to safety.
Our first kiss was about five weeks later in August 2020 and it was so awkward. He’d invited me for dinner at his bachelor pad cottage one evening and after we’d eaten that night, I told him, “I think we should kiss” realising that he was probably too shy to ever initiate it.
Thankfully we’re both quite self-deprecating so we laugh about it now, but it wasn’t like a romantic scene from a Bridget Jones film.
When our relationship became common knowledge a typical comment from those who know us was, “You two make so much sense as a couple.” We’re both quite popular teachers, so far from being the subject of school gossip, the pupils were chuffed for us too.
Against the clock
After that, our relationship was a whirlwind. David proposed in February 2021 with an engagement ring he’d designed himself and we got married that July. We joke that we’ve got a 30-year contract, which we can extend if we want to, bearing in mind David will be in his 80s by then. Our sons came along in April 2023 and September 2024.
Conscious of our age gap and of being an older dad this time around, David has made a concerted effort to get fitter.
Conscious of our age gap and of being an older dad this time around, David has made a concerted effort to get fitter, including doing weekend park runs with me.
His own dad died out of the blue when he was 60 and David was 20, which is a major factor in our attitude that we must live in the moment and not waste time worrying about how life might be when I reach the age David is now and he’s in his 70s.
Pros and cons of an older partner
Still, the age gap does sometimes feel odd. For example, David’s closer in age to my mum, who’s 64 – the same age as his sister. But she and my dad, who’s 69, could see that with David I’m the happiest I’ve ever been so they were delighted for us. Sadly, they’re my children’s only grandparents, an inevitably of David’s age being that both his parents are dead.
There are lots of benefits to being with an older guy – he’s unflappable, calm and great at keeping things in perspective.
But there are lots of benefits to being with an older guy. He’s unflappable, calm and great at keeping things in perspective. He also does lots of chores around the house, a legacy of living on his own for more than a decade, although he’ll vacuum whilst listening to middle-aged bands such as Depeche Mode and Garbage, whereas I’ll be blasting out Taylor Swift and Beyonce.
David has spoken about being determined not to be a burden on me in the future when he’s elderly and I’m still full of life. But what’s the point in looking too far ahead? There are no guarantees in life whatever your age so we just focus on now and enjoy the special marriage and family life we have.
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